Energy – Yours, Mine and Ours

We hear about energy all the time. Clean energy, green energy, sustainable energy. Wind power, water power, solar power. What about people power?  What do we do with our energy?  How do we expend our energy during the day?

Here’s a scenario to consider:  A guy’s girlfriend breaks up with him. He’s filled with despair, is tired, has no energy.  He’s dirty, hasn’t showered in days, his apartment’s a mess, he’s a mess.  His girlfriend calls. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Please, please forgive me. Can I at least come over and talk to you, explain what happened? He says she can come over in two hours. Suddenly he’s full of energy. He cleans the apartment, changes the linens, showers, does a load of laundry, gets dressed and runs downstairs to the small market to get some basics.  He’s bursting with energy.

It’s possible that this, or something similar, has happened to you, So the question is – where was all this guy’s energy before his girlfriend called? And how did he get it back?

The answer is, of course, that it was always there. And, he was using it – all of it. He was using all of his energy to feel bad – and doing a great job! It takes a LOT of energy to be miserable.

When I was still in college, and in love with someone I had been dating for some time, we went on a date that was just strange. He met my aunt, who interrogated him – a scene out of a Woody Allen movie, believe me.  We saw a movie that upset me, and I got emotional. Basically, it was not a fun time. So the next Tuesday – the day he usually called me to make plans for us to go out – he didn’t call. I had felt something was going to happen, but this was really bad. No communication at all. I cried.

The next day I went to my classes, had a great day, and a great week. I spent time with friends on the weekend, and came Tuesday night – no phone call.  I was devastated.  I cried, I was sobbing at one point, curled up in a little ball. Sadness personified. But then I went to classes for the rest of the week, spent time with friends on the weekend, and worked on a paper. Next Tuesday, the same thing happened – no call on Tuesday, tears and sobs.

After a few weeks of this, something strange happened.  I was sitting in my bedroom crying, and I needed to get a tissue. So I went to the bathroom, got a tissue, went to the sink to rinse my face, and looked in the mirror. The reflection of my face, crying, sobbing, made me break into hysterical laughter. It was so very funny. I was putting in so much effort to be miserable every Tuesday! How long would this last?

Not long. I realized that the situation was that my boyfriend had left, and I had a life anyway. So the next day I went to my classes, engaged myself in living happily, and the following Tuesday I went out with friends. I reclaimed my “Tuesday night energy” and reclaimed a portion of myself that my emotions had been controlling.  I didn’t even think about whether or not my boyfriend would call – and he didn’t. It was okay.  I was okay.

So – what I’m trying to say is that in most cases, no matter the tragedy, heartbreak, upset, eventually you will come out of it and feel yourself again. I am not discounting the pain of the death of a loved one, the loss of something deeply significant, or the hurt of being misjudged or found to be unworthy. What I am saying is that it helps to take the time to mourn, or to examine your pain. But then there comes a time when you reclaim the energy you are using to be unhappy, and put it to better use.


About Davina

I am a retired teacher, writer and artist. This web site was set up for several reasons. First is to give people a chance to see my art work, and decide if there is something they like enough to contact me. Second is to present my ideas on education and life in general - anything that gets my attention. Feel free to comment in an intelligent manner.
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8 Responses to Energy – Yours, Mine and Ours

  1. Mary says:

    Sadly, Robin Williams used his emotional energy in a disastrous way. He chose a permanent solution to (my uninformed opinion) a temporary problem. M.

    • Davina says:

      That was Robin Williams’ own description of suicide. I believe he could no longer see through the fog of his pain to any future, and cannot be filled with anything but compassion for this dear man, who made everyone laugh, but who himself was in deep, deep pain so much of his life. And, by the way, he didn’t use his emotional energy, he was controlled by it, and it ultimately destroyed him.

  2. Mark Rubin says:

    Great post! As for Robin Williams, his sad death and the reaction to it tells me two things. First, depression is a horrible, badly misunderstood disease. Second, none of us really know what goes on the minds of others.

    • Davina says:

      I agree completely. To say he misused his energy is not addressing the issue, which is that he did not feel he had any control, and I don’t think we can every understand deep depression unless we ourselves have experienced it. When I was a little girl I asked a friend, “If I taste lime jello, and you taste lime jello, and I like it but you don’t, does that mean we both taste the same thing and one of us doesn’t like it, or does it mean that we taste different things?” We realized then that we would never, ever know the answer – another’s mind and heart are mysteries as vast as the universe.

  3. Jim Gramlich says:

    Good information as usual. As humans, we are all susceptible to high-energy levels
    in our lives and low-energy levels in our daily routine. As I have mentioned numerous
    times, what seems to keep my life balanced and on track, is the time spent in quiet
    meditation. When one quiets the MIND and stills the BODY…in unison with the
    energy and vibration of the Universe, the manifestation results in an inner-peace.

  4. Marlie Collins says:

    Again Thank you Davina

    How true it is that we can use much of our energy feeling bad in some way or another. It truly takes a good amount of energy to feel bad angry, envious, jealous….. all of those….
    Many of us know this yet when they move in like a stealth bomber we can be in it before we even know. Great reminder so we can all become virtuosos at moving with the tides of emotion. You are loved and appreciated Davina.

    Yes, Robin Williams. Planted flowers for a young man last week who had the same end. I will get a nice plant for my garden for Robin and send him love and think of beauty for him. Gardening is a refuge for me here where I have not found community.

    • Davina says:

      Dear Marlie,
      I so appreciated your comment, which I just found today when I went on my site, so forgive me for not responding sooner. I liked your phrase “the tides of emotions.” Yes, the “waters” of the emotional plane often flood us before we are aware.

      How lovely to plant something for Robin – a friend and I were discussing today why it is that he, more than anyone in the “celebrity” field affected us so strongly with his death. I think it is because he operating on a heart level, and did not consider himself a celebrity. He was shy, grateful, and reached into people’s hearts with his humor.

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